


To Be Yours.

by Hexworthy



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: AANNNGGGSST, Angst, Fake Relationship, Fluff, M/M, More angst, based on a post, getting together ish, love and fluff and angst, shance, with a massive side of angst, yeah this got loneger than planned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-21
Updated: 2018-06-21
Packaged: 2019-05-26 15:23:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15003773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hexworthy/pseuds/Hexworthy
Summary: Lance and Shiro agree to fake date, until that backfires. Will they be able to survive it?





	To Be Yours.

**Author's Note:**

> based on this post because damn inspiration struck

Lance’s brain had fizzled out completely, he couldn't handle this, he thought he could but no. He had asked Shiro a favour, and a major one at that, pretend to be in a relationship with him. Lance had expected it to last all of five minutes when he turned to his friend as asked for his help to get an overzealous girl away from him. 

Shiro had picked up his hand and kissed it, so gently and tenderly, and pulled him close while looking at the girl. 

“Sorry, he’s taken but I’m sure one of the other guys here would love to have you,” He said smoothly as if it was completely normal. For the rest of the night, Shiro had never left his side, keeping the people that creeped Lance out away. It was the little things, the intimacy that came with years of being in a loving relationship, all of which were fake and though he was grateful it hurt. None of the affection romantically was real. 

When they were all danced out and making their way out, Shiro caught Lances hand, with the fingers interlocked, still keeping up the illusion. 

“I already know what favour to ask, we be each other fake boyfriend. Anyone bothers us or we need them for situations, we are each others boyfriend. No feelings attached just good friends.” Lance thought he saw something like pain flash across his eyes but nonetheless agreed, he owed Shiro a favour and if he could show himself that his crush was useless he could get over it. He saw the looks Pidge, Keith and Hunk had given them and ignored them. They didn't need to know. 

Now here barely a few days later meeting Shiro to come up with a game plan; how they met, their boundaries et cetera. Lance was dying. He was going through his wardrobe stressing about what to wear, he was going to a coffee shop alone with Shiro. It sounded suspiciously like a date, he could feel the tropes running towards him, like he was in a fanfic. In the end he gave up and put on his signature jeans and baseball tee. 

His mind was swirling with thoughts as he walked to the cafe, especially how he was going to hide his very real feelings for one of his best friends. 

Shiro had been in his year at uni, as an older student who had started uni late, like Lance. Where Lance had started late because of money, Shiro had been recovering from serious injuries. Lance introduced Hunk and Pidge and then Keith joined in soon after after their friendship group adopted him. Shiro had ensured that, he doted upon Keith, knowing that they had history together, history Lance wasn't privy to. But it was clear for anyone to see that Shiro did indeed love Keith. Lance knew he had no chance with Shiro in any universe, let alone his own and he was fine with that he could pine from a distance and take when was gifted to him. 

 

Shiro hadn’t expected much after helping Lance and he had no idea what possessed him to ask that boon. Maybe it was an easy way to be comfy and avoid his families questions, or maybe it was just a way to be closer to Lance. His crush had nothing to do with it at all. 

That night he had committed how Lance felt in his arms to memory, how soft his skin was and how warm and utterly alive Lance felt against him. He enjoyed dancing and letting loose with him and damn his crush was going to be the death of him. 

His mind was racing as he was sitting in the chair at the coffee shop. He had already bought Lance’s favourite and his own drink, even if the Barista was a bit flirty. Shiro wasn't an idiot, he knew he was conventionally attractive and that his scars made him appealing to some people, but he wanted to only appeal to the one person he would never have. 

He looked up when the door opened and Lance slipped in and looked around and slipped into the neat next to him when he spotted Shiro. 

“Oh,” Lance’s voice was soft and surprised, and Shiro felt himself melt into a puddle, even when he was off kilter he was adorable. The blush that ran across Lance’s face up to the tips of his ears, it was hard to not see it. He smiled at that and to avoid something embarrassing he lent back into the chair and took a sip of his own drink. 

“So, boundaries and shit right?” Lance asked nervously.

“I guess, I mean, as long as there's nothing sexual I’m good?” Oh dear, he could feel himself blushing too. 

“You know I’m from a big family and physical contact isn’t an issue either, so if we have to kiss it should be fine right?” Lance replied, it’s not that big of a deal to break a friendship right? He asked himself. He treasured what he had with his friends, especially Lance. 

“Yeah, they're fun though. I remember your twenty first, it was crazy!” From then on they slipped into amicable conversation, just sitting there and watching Lance fight off the most adorable blush that rested on his cheeks. At some point they had emptied their drinks and Lance got up to pay for another. 

When the drinks were brought over, the barista who had tried flirting with him looked at him with a knowing smile. She placed the drinks on the table, and spoke to him.

“The good ones are always taken, hope your boyfriend enjoyed his drink.” 

Both Shiro and Lance burned at the word boyfriend, the fake relationship was convincing at least even if they weren't actively engaging in it. So Shiro decided to fuck it. He would take whatever Lance gave him and he could rival any forest for the pining he would do. No one knew not even Keith. He was good at hiding his true emotion while Lance was very vocal about them. He would take every hug, kiss, touch and compliment and covet them for the rest of his life. So when Lance would go off and get married and have his own family, Shiro would at least know what that felt like in the most fleeting moments. He was a masochist when it came to himself it seemed. The amusement played on his lips when he asked Lance about a small bombshell.

“So, shall we start to practice then, Darling?” Shiro asked with a borderline flirty manner. The deepened blush was worth it, but it made a thought run across his mind, did Lance not get praised enough? Not beyond his flirtations which were directed away from himself. He would make sure to change that. 

As soon as it appeared it went just as quickly, and the sound of a chair being moved closer could be heard, Lance shunting his way over while his gaze lingered on Shiro’s face. A warm hand laid gently on his, and he interlocked their fingers. 

“I take that as a yes then,” he smiled, “at least this way I get to fully enjoy your eyes, they're so beautiful.” he also sent a dazzling smile to be on the safe side, knowing Lance would tell him if it was too much. 

 

Lance.exe stopped working. Shiro and that damned smile how was he doing this and so calmly. It was like a flip had switched and oh gods he was not going to deny it, he was screwed but it was a test run, nothing serious. He had to practice, he would have to be comfortable. 

“For you babe, anything.” he heard himself say, though he made himself a promise, if anything got to far he would say, it wouldn't be fair on either of them to do something they didn't want. This wasn't bad just unexpected and damn he enjoyed it even if it was fake. 

They soon left and walked around hand in hand, they looked disgustingly domestic to any outsider. Lance knew it and revealed in it somewhat, it made him realise what it would be like to be in a real relationship, one that was loving and supportive and good. But then it all had to go to pot. Hunk, Keith and Pidge rounded the corner with ice creams in their hands. 

They looked at the pair and Lance swore each one of them had looks of utter surprise. 

“You’re dating?” Keith asked cautiously, knowing full well that it was a loaded question. Lance and Shiro looked at each other, both with concern and a question. Do we tell them? They both knew if the rest of them knew that it would be easy to maintain. No lies or secrecy. Lance let go first and rubbed his arm.

“No, we aren't. We just said we’d be each other's boyfriend in situations that called for it. We were just getting our story right.” Lance replied awkwardly. Hunk gave him a knowing look that Lance knew meant that they were having a talk that night. The other two looked at each other and rolled their eyes. Lance stole a glance to Shiro, he looked reluctant, like he didn't want to let go of him. They parted ways soon after. Keith leaving with Shiro and Pidge and Hunk going back with him to their flat.

Once in the living room, Hunk sat them down. 

“Lance spill, both of us know you've been pining for the longest time.”

There was no point denying it.

“it will be fine, it's fake we both agreed and we know it's not going anywhere. Its just to help each other out.”

“Lance it’s not. You're gonna end up hurt at the end. But it’s your choice to do this just, don't be too hurt when either one of you ends this.” Pidge added. She was probably right. She may not be the most tactful but the truth was there. Shiro would find someone worth his time and Lance would be left behind. Lance sighed. He had accepted this but he had made an agreement and would see it through to the bitter end. 

 

Meanwhile Allura and Keith were prodiding Shiro. Allura had an inkling and Keith was slightly shocked at the whole situation. He knew Shiro got asked out a lot but never expected him to go this far. To be honest it was a very impulsive thing he did. Shiro could admit that to himself but he found his patience was never there when it involved Lance. Shiro hung his head and took the questioning. Careful to not give any hint of his true feelings. By the time they were done he was daydreaming about Lance's hand and how it had fit so well in his own. He would indulge every fantasy he could when he could, when all he had needed was an excuse to turn away people. He wanted to find reasons to go out and just be closer to him. To maybe just maybe make this work. That small flame of hope was dangerous but it was there. 

 

As it turned out, Shiro didn’t have to wait long before he had the excuse to have Lance as his boyfriend again. They were in the same lab and were working together. Though they were both getting annoyed by the guy next to them trying to hit on Shiro. Exasperated Shiro reached for Lance’s hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. And received a squeeze back, and as if on cue, Lance turned to the guy and gave him the pettiest smirk he had ever seen. 

“I know my boyfriend is an adonis of a human but we are exclusive so please shove off.” and to further prove his point Shiro felt an arm sit on his waist and a look of pure adoration aimed at him. So, he revealed in it. He was selfish and he wanted it to last as long as he could. And though he could hear his conscience telling him, yelling at him to not break his own heart and that of a dear friend. He ignored it and pressed a kiss to Lance's forehead, he found he had loved it and wanted to do it again, but he fought it this time, they had work to be done. 

The rest of the day drifted by and the word had got out that they were dating and that meant that they had to fake date for real, not just in awkward situations. He could hear Keith’s face palm and Allura’s admonishments already. He was not looking forward to going home. He spent as much time as he could at Lance’s side, sitting next to hem at lunch, walking to lectures together one arm wrapped around Lance’s middle. There was nothing more on with part just the polite touches when needed, or sweet smiles exchanged when someone asked or congratulated them. 

Shiro knew his feelings were not fake and on his sleeve all this time, showing him what could be was agony and only deepened his crush which he was pretty sure was turning into something deeper, more irreversible. Especially when Lance confirmed that he was indeed his boyfriend, and that little spark of protectiveness came back in full force when people made comments about Lance, saying how Shiro could have done better and not just settles for Lance cos he was easy. 

At that Shiro drew him in close and whispered sweet things in his ear, being sickeningly sweet and all for all pretenses in love. It wasn't even that hard to do. He wanted Lance to hear all the good things that he was, that he wouldn’t have asked anyone else to do this for him, that he was a friend most dear. _That he had ruined anyone else's chance with me_ he thought, _no one will ever live up to you._

 

That evening when Lance got home Hunk had staged an intervention with Pidge and her Rover mk.iii project. Both were notorious for gossiping in these interventions and the look they gave Lance as he walked in told him that they knew. He walked past the pair and fell on his bed, face first and screamed into his pillow. Shiro was killing him. How was he so calm and collected? How did he not die from embarrassment at being around him? He told himself to breathe and turned onto his side to stare at the wall, as if it had the answers to the questions and thoughts running through his mind. 

“So fake dating going well for you?” Pidge asked? Despite her sarcasm she really did care and now he did kinda need it. 

“I honestly have no idea anymore. It was supposed to be simple, not this!! It’s not even that bad, it’s exactly the same as always but not, just more touches and he’s so damn polite about it!” bemoaned Lance. He felt a sympathetic pat on his shoulder and then let out a yell as he was pushed out of the bed. 

“That was for skipping your washing up duty!You made me touch slimy things in the sink. How dare.”

“And there’s the Pidge I know and love,”

“Good, cant have people thinking I actually care,” She replied, “Just don’t get too into this, I don’t want to see either of you hurt.”

 

It continued that way, Lance and Shiro sat closer together but still within in their groups, only putting up the fake dating when needed. But that didn’t stop Lance longing for it to be real, the touches started to feel real, it was easy to slip in to. And more and more, Lance felt those touches more often, when they weren’t needed. When it was just them with the others, Shiro would make a point of sitting closer to Lance, the casual touches that would make anyone assume they really were in a relationship. It was like Shiro had forgotten that it was all fake, and like all good things it came to an end. 

They were at game night, Allura was back from the UK after gaining her phd in chemistry and they were celebrating in style. By killing off people in a game of cards. It had all started off so innocently, Shiro was sitting next to him, leaning with his hand behind him. There was laughter and a lot of insults traded as cards were killed off or nullified, destroying hours worth of storytelling and misery. It said a lot about the group, that one of their favourite games was bringing misery to a family of cards. They had decided that a game of DnD would last too long and that movies and Gloom would still be a good idea. That was the mistake apparently. Shiro would laugh into his shoulder, or send that smile that made Lance melt and scream in agony at the same time. Lance didn't miss the others looks as well. 

When Lance was knocked out of the next game they played, Shiro tugged him closer and wrapped an arm around him and Lance couldn’t hide the blush. Which was only made worse when a kiss was placed on his forehead and Shiro’s head laying to rest on the top of his. He took it knowing it was fake and it hurt. It hurt because it felt real, he wanted it to be real, but it hurt too much and maybe it was time to end it, but for one last night he would revel in the touches and the simplicity of having that kind of attention for once in his life. Knowing what it might feel to be loved, wanted and held rather than garnering it from long forgotten dreams where he would wake up alone and unloved. Despite all the platonic love he felt, he wanted to be someone's and someone to be his. He would always be a hopeless romantic at heart.

He was lost in his thoughts and feelings and did realise that the game had ended and a soft nuzzling alerted him to his surroundings. 

“You gotta let me go babe,” Shiro murmured. Lance had been blushing way too much over the past few months, but shifted away nonetheless, mourning the loss of warmth. Though that kiss on his cheek and a hair ruffle and damn he didn’t know if he could make it to the end of the night. Here lies Lance, died from pining. 

Allura gave him a look and pulled him to the side. She knew of their fake relationship as damn, Allura was always down for the gossip. 

“You ok Lance?”

“I’m ending this tomorrow. It hurts to much, it feels too real and it’s all fake, I can’t take it anymore.” Lance couldn’t stop the tears from falling. Allura was one of the few people he could really cry in front of. She embraced him in a hug and ran her fingers through his hair. Comforting him in a way a few knew how to do. After he saw her more as a sister than a romantic interest, their relationship went to further heights.

“Lance, you tried and it looks real, just do what’s best for you, I’ll be here for a while, Veronica also wants to meet up and do other things. I’ll be here, just cry if you want.” She soothed, and he let loose. Once he was cried out, Allura turned him to look at her, 

“If he does anything to hurt you or force you, know I will be down on him like a tonne of bricks. Its gonna hurt but you’ll be fine eventually. You’re allowed to hurt, just take the time you need, you’re allowed to look after yourself. If it ends badly, Hunk, Pidge and I will be here, so will Keith, just breathe, you’ll make it.” 

They returned to the living room and Shiro was immediately at his side, and he noticed the tear stained cheeks and the glossy look his eyes had. 

“Lance? Are you ok? Is there anything I can do?” fussed Shiro, and Lances’s heart broke. Shiro cared and he didn’t want to lose this friendship. His strong arms held Lance as Shiro ran his hand through his hair murmuring sweet nothings to try to make him smile. They moved to the sofa where a movie had started to play, Shiro guided Lance down to snuggle on it and kept running his hand through his hair. A blanket was thrown over them and Lance was in a state of unrest and also bliss, he swore his life was an oxymoron. 

“I have a family thing I can’t get out off, do you want to come with me? I mean, like just. Ugh. You make me feel more comfortable and I’d love for you to come with me. What do you say?” Shiro asked. Well bang went that idea of ending. Anything Shiro asked he would do it. He was in way too deep with no hope of rescue and he would gladly drown if he got one spec of affection for real. This is the last hurrah he thought to himself, one last time before ending this pseudo relationship. 

“I will, I’ll come with you and show everyone what that you’re more than just your life story.” 

“Thanks sweetheart.” Another kiss to the forehead and a tug to get them both cosy, snuggled together with Lance resting on Shiro’s shoulder. He was fucked, well and truly. He knew he couldn’t live up to anyone’s expectations and he was wondering why the hell Shiro wasn’t telling him that. Like it was clear as day that he was just there. That friend who hung at the edges and was always trying to hard and for too long for even the most basic things and to feel included. Fucked up but he was used to this by now. 

He didn’t know when he drifted off but the comfort Shiro’s arm around him was giving him plus the fact that the movie score was rather calming allowed him to wander off into dream world. 

 

Despite everything that was happening, Shiro knew it would end. He was forgetting it was all fake and letting his true emotions shine through. Indulging his curiosity. How Lance’s hair felt, what it would be like to plant loving kisses onto Lance. He loved being the cause for Lance’s flustered words and bright blushes. He loved Lance, he wanted this for real, and while true he did have a family event and the option for a plus one, he didn’t necessarily need to take Lance. He had wanted to and he would confess, he knew the venue well and knew that the lake on the grounds would be the perfect place. 

His heart bloomed when he heard Lance agree to go and he looked down at Lance, in sleep he looked so soft, like all the cares in the world just evaporated and he could finally relax. The feeling of another body pressed into his made it easy to relax himself. He just hoped he wasn’t reading Lance wrong. The long looks he knew Lance gave him but pretended to not see, the way he seemed to subconsciously relax in his presence. He wanted to give Lance the world and more, and most importantly the love he deserved. 

He moved a bit, careful to not wake Lance up and embraced him in a hug and dozed off with him in his arms, when he woke with the movies end, he gently kicked Pidge off the end of the sofa, who gave the pair a look he couldn't quite work out and a promise to talk in the morning. He stretched out and pulled the blanket and Lance close. He knew a smile played on his lips as he to succumbed to the gentle call of sleep. 

Waking up to Lance, he decided, was and Experience. Arms had snaked around him and Lance softly nuzzled into his chest trying to chase whatever dream he was having, cling to the last remnants of sleep. He couldn’t resist stroking Lance’s hair to ease him into the land of the living, smiling as he gave into his desires. He was internally screaming because how was it so soft? Why was he even doing this and just?!?! _Focus on the now Shiro, just focus._ He wanted this and he would if fate would finally favour him.. 

Lance eventually woke up and the spell was broken when a sheepish Lance moved out of his embrace and booked it out the room, muttering apology after apology. Shiro’s heart twisted and hurt, Lance didn’t deserve that, ashamed to be and feel what he did. 

Pidge slinked in from the kitchen, quickly followed by a confused Keith, who was drinking some juice from a carton and straw. 

“You know this is gonna end soon right?” Keith asked.

“I know and I don’t want it to, I want to be in a real relationship with him, he makes me happy and just makes be want to be better to do better. I just?! I’m planning to tell him soon, in a few days in fact. I have it planned out and it will be private yet romantic. I think I love him. If that’s the term to use. It’s gone past the point of a crush and I want it. I want him.” Saying it felt good. Saying it made it real. 

“That’s good, it’s hard seeing you both hurt and not being able to do much but support you both.” Pidge added, “You’re good to him and you help him in a way few of us can, and it will be nice to see him happy. Truly happy again.” 

They didn’t talk about Lance’s past relationships, each had taken something from Lance and it wasn’t something they liked to dwell on. His own relationships weren’t exactly anything to boast about. He thought he was doing what he thought was best but ultimately he failed because he seemed to love too much and wanting the affection. The love not just the physical aspect. He wanted the whole thing not just a few weeks before the novelty of having him as a partner wore off; realising He was more than a piece of brainless eye candy. Others were put off with the prosthetic and the scars and the trauma but none of that mattered to Lance. Maybe that’s why he feel for him in the first place. His personality his kind features and how he believed in everyone. Just Lance as a whole. He wanted him. 

He spent the next few days texting Lance as he normally would. He told him that it was a cousins wedding and that it wasn’t that big of a deal. Just wear something nice and be his normal self, he also apologized for the lack of notice but Lance played it coolly and said he was looking forwards to it. Shiro believed him. They made a promise to tell each other if they overstepped or wanted out of the agreement. Shiro wouldn’t blame him if he did, he might have just scared him off with pretending at uni all the time. 

However, he noticed Lance’s replies get shorter and more controlled. Little hints that never lead to anything, despite Shiro asking. If Lance told him no, he would be sad but it wouldn’t be the end of the world. He would keep his distance and his feeling to himself. It would hurt but at least he would know what it would have felt like to be his, even of it was fake.

Soon the day came upon him and he found a casual suit, it was smart but just an open shirt, a jacket and trousers. He didn’t bother with his hair letting it hang naturally. He had arranged to pick Lance up and he was sat outside the flat building up the courage to do something he had done on multiple occasions. He didn’t have to wait long, apparently as a knock came from his window, he looked and saw Lance giving him a shy smile. He opened the door and Lance slid in. The formal trousers accentuated the legs that went on for days and his blue jacket accentuated his waist and broad shoulders. Showing off the muscle that came from years of training in swimming. 

They had the radio on as they drove and Lance was gently singing along, not belting them out as Shiro would have expected. It felt more intimate and as if Lance was letting him in, hearing something that would only be shared with someone he truly cares for. Though he had an inkling Lance was sitting on something that really needed to be said. Touches that were normally embraced felt forced on his part and a look of resignation was etched into Lances face. This only heightened Shiro’s resolve to ask Lance to make the last few months count, or to let them become a wonderful memory to remember once he became alone in the world again. 

Once they got there, Shiro just introduced Lance as a close friend, though his family didn’t believe him and kept teasing him. Saying that he didn’t need to keep his boyfriend a secret. He gave up and let them assume what they wanted. He held Lance’s hand or waist, depending on what he was holding, a squeeze now and then. Sometimes Lance would into him like it would be the last time, savoring the moment. And maybe Shiro did too. Trying to memorise everything in what could be the last day. Something Shiro did not want to think about. 

During the ceremony? Lance accepted the offer of held hands. The way to the reception, Lance was cosied up to Shiro out of necessity when they all had to fit into a small car with a few others while they traveled to the other side of the grand estate. It allowed Shiro to reach some thought that were probably best to not dwell on. The fact that he used pet names while Lance did not, that he wanted a pet name for himself. Hr initiated contact and affection more often and was the first to compliment him. A whole string of other things came to mind soon after and he realised. Lance didn’t actually love him. At least not in the way he thought. He was just playing the part and Shiro let feelings actually be real. People never said how much heartbreak truly sucks when it’s your best friend involved. He would still be here and maybe he could get over him easier. Lance deserved to know it had been real on his part. 

The meal was awkward, Shiro closed himself off a bit and waved off the looks of concern his family and friends were giving him. Putting it down to anxiety of being in big crowds. Then of all things Lance had to go ask if he was ok. He nodded tho he definitely wasn’t, and wouldn’t before a while after. 

The speeches were made and his favourite cousin had her first dance with her wife. When everyone else made their way to the dance floor, Shiro pulled Lance out into the grounds. The wall to the pond was quiet and filled with tension. 

Shiro guided them to a bench overlooking the lake and sat down. 

“Lance I have something to say -”

“I need to tell you -” They said in unison.

“You first,” Shiro conceded. 

“We need to end this. Its too much. I just can’t do this. I cant keep looking at you like I love you. I just... It’s starting to tire and everyone knows you can do better than me. Can we just avoid the pain and end it before it actually hurts.” 

Well that was his answer. He swallowed and and tried to not look that everything was falling apart. 

“What did you want to say?” asked Lance curiously. 

“It’s nothing important. Just something about whether it would have been ok to kiss you while we danced. But it’s a bit redundant know I guess” he gave a feeble lie and a weak laugh and hope it would be enough.

It apparently was was when Lance asked to go home. 

 

The look of absolute heartbreak flooded Shiro’s features. Had there been anything else? Something that was important enough to go here? A bench by the lake drenched in moonlight and a starlit sky? He felt uneasy. He thought Shiro may have been lying but thought nothing of it, he was obviously covering something but he didn’t want his own heart to hurt more than the face Shiro had made. Was he wrong and that Shiro was actually wanting it, wanting him? No one made that face unless they had been dealt a severe blow to the heart. 

“I want to go home, please.” he mumbled yet Shiro somehow heard and they managed to get to the car in one piece despite the uncomfortable silence. The tension that had been electric had morphed into a depressive one, that hung in the air like thIck fog with no light or way out. 

The drive wasn’t any better. He got out of the car when Shiro pulled up to Lance’s flat. As he reached the door to the block, he turned and he thought he saw Shiro crying in the lamplight. It wasn’t for long as the car sped off into the night as soon as he was safe behind the door. 

 

Pidge and Hunk gave him curious looks while Allura voiced what they were all thinking.

“You’re back early!” then noted Lance’s face. “Lance?”

Allura embraced him in a hug as he quietly broke down. He hadn’t wanted to do this. He had wanted it to be real. He wanted to be Shiro’s and he ruined it. He didn’t think he could look in his direction anytime soon and resigned himself to the loneliness. His mind was still reeling over what he had done and then imagining what Shiro had said. 

They would share a slow dance, Shiro’s arms on lance waist and his own around Shiro’s shoulders. The long looks and giggling while their foreheads touched. When the music swelling they leaned in to let their mouths finally meet. To know if Shiro’s lips looked as soft as they seemed. To know how Shiro would hold him while they kissed. If he would still hold him when they parted and whether or not stars could be seen in his eyes. Then when they were done dancing that Shiro would lead him to the car and they would drive home. Looking at each other and giggling belting out songs wondering which would become _their_ song and would be the one that would make him think of Shiro alone. Shiro taking them to his, being pulled through the door and onto a bed. Being on a warm embrace and knowing what it finally felt like to feel love. That he wasn’t alone any more. That he maybe belonged to someone and not a third wheel. 

Lances traitorous mind flashed through all this and more what one kiss could lead to even in the far flung future. A wedding, kids, pets galore. He didn’t care the tears flowed freely and silently. He wanted to know why it feel like a real break up. Why his heart hurt even more than enduring that fake relationship. He was meant to be saving himself from this, not cause it. He had lied when he said what he had said. It already hurt too much already. But what was done was done and he had no right to complain. He would have one night of a pity party till the future Lance would kick himself up the backside to get over himself and move on. 

Lance didn’t get to see Shiro for two days. The wedding had been on a friday evening and he had spent the weekend pretending that he could be ok again. Hunk, Allura and Pidge did their best trying to distract him. It worked to a point but the familiar loneliness crept back in, he knew a relationship wouldn’t fix his problems, blame it on being the youngest in a big family or whatever. He resigned himself to the loneliness. He would take what the world threw at him without question and accept that maybe he wasn’t destined to achieve the happiness he once thought he could achieve. He had ruined something that had the potential to be something great. 

At uni, Shiro sat away from him. Keith shot him concerned glances when Shiro didn’t join them in the union bar, absconding into the library to complete work. Lance could feel him becoming distant from him and their friends as the trend continued. Keith started to go, trying to be there for Shiro and Lance couldn’t blame him. He couldn’t be Keith, he couldn’t have that closeness and when he did it was well known that it was fake. It was his fault that this was happening but he had made a promise and he kept it. But he was also going to try to fix it. 

 

Shiro thought he was doing what was right, he knew Lance had his own insecurities. It was better if he moved out the picture, Lance had friends, he had people who could support him and help him, Shiro was older of course, not by much, but that extra three years would make all the difference. He knew how to be alone and knew he could survive it. He was surprised when Keith offered his company, both of them working in silence in the library. 

It felt like the weeks started to pass, while in reality it had only been three, he spent most of the time in his spot in the silent section. The sound proofing and two way mirror door helped, and only Keith knew where to find him. It was good, he could concentrate and he found that he wasn’t thinking about Lance anymore. In the years to come, Shiro could look back at those memories and only feel a twinge, the one that got away. 

On the way out of a lecture, it changed, he had tried to ignore the looks that were being shot his way, he may not have known who was sending them but he could feel them. He just wanted to get through the lecture, it was one of the ones he shared with Lance and he just wanted to get on with his notes, it was something he was having trouble on with already. He managed to zone in and blocked out everything but the lecturers voice and notes. 

The rest of the lecture passed swiftly and as soon as they were dismissed, he packed up his notes and made his way out the door, he felt a tug and his name being called out but ignored it in favour of heading over to the library to his normal spot. 

“Shiro, please!” The voice came again. It was Lance, and maybe Shiro would never be able to say no, and he didn’t here. He moved out the way of the door and the students passing by. 

“Yes Lance?” He was tired so tired and he just wanted to focus on his work. 

“Look, I’m sorry, I didn’t want this, not seeing you or talking. Can I talk to you, just us tonight? I don’t want to talk out in the open.” Shiro nodded and Lance walked away, looking as awkward as possible. The rest of the day passed in the same way as always, library lecture, library, gym. The only difference was a text from Lance, asking if Shiro’s place was ok as he didn't want ears listening in. 

So there they were. Lance perched on one of the arm chairs and Shiro curled up in the cushions on his sofa.

“So, I um. I’ve missed you like a lot. I made a mistake.”

“You should have just said no, I wouldn’t have minded. I’ve always said that you could say it whenever and I would accept it, no questions asked.”

“I know and I just UGGHHH Why is this so hard to say. I had it all planned out just -”

“Look, Lance, you deserve to be happy, you deserve it so much but it isn’t with me. Hunk and Pidge, they’re your friends more than mine. I loved those weeks i spent with you, I had hoped but you wanted otherwise and I understand. We can still be friends if you want? “

“I don’t know what I want anymore. All I know is I want you back in my life, I want it to be back like before. I want my friend back.” Friends, that was all Lance wanted. “I don’t want to be alone anymore, you saw me, with you i’m more than a third wheel, I want to be more be better, Shiro I think I want you.”

Maybe Shiro was selfish. He didn’t want thoughts only for his heart to be broken twice by the same person in a month, he didn’t want false hope. Maybe he could survive a friendship, keep his pinning hidden again. But it would never be as it would be before.

“I can’t give you that, I’m sorry. I should never have suggested this in the first place. I’ve ruined our friendship and strained yours with Keith. I.. I can’t be that person you need, you’ll find someone worthy of your attention.” It was impulsive to say it, despite all of his affection begging for Lance, to show him that Shiro still cared, would always care. Shiro wasn’t allowed to feel that, he was the one who ruined everything. Lance’s devastated demeanor was etched into his brain forever, he couldn’t help but notice the tears, the want to wipe them away and praise Lance like the deity he is to his own soul. He wanted to never let the world hurt him even from Shiro himself.

“But that had been you for so long, but if that’s truly how you feel, I’ll um, I’ll go.” A kiss was placed on his cheek. Shiro’s hand came up to touch it. The first bit of major affection from Lance, beyond touches that weren’t entirely platonic. Lance started to walk to the door and Shiro caught his hand.

“You really like me?” He asked and heard a reluctant sigh.

“Yes. It’s why I ended everything. My feeling turned from a crush into something more. I thought I could handle it but no, every instance became harder knowing it was fake on your part,”

“Lance, they were never fake, how could you not see that? That night, I wanted to confess, ask for it to be real. I had realised that this was a much as I would get and relished in it, tried to make you happy. I thought that making it real would be a good thing?”

“You mean, all this could have been avoided if I had let you go first?” Lance laughed while tears of happiness as well as sadness ran down his face. 

“I think so yes. You like me? You really like me?”

“For an embarrassingly long time, yes,”

“Good cos so have I.” Shiro then did something he had been wanting to do since he had got to know the true Lance. He cupped Lance’s face and used his thumbs, both real and prosthetic, to wipe away the tears. The deep blue eyes stared back unsure.

“Can I?” He asked, not wanting to do something Lance didn’t want to. 

A nod and Shiro bent down slightly to Lance’s face and Lance met him halfway. The first kiss was messy and both of them couldn’t contain their laughter. They decided it would take some practice and decided to keep trying. A good decision Shiro decided, they found the angles that worked, the ones that made them bump noses and the ones that made them smile into the kisses.. Somehow the ended up on the sofa, Lance’s head on Shiro’s lap, a hand running through that impossibly soft hair. 

“All that time, those touches when we didn’t have to and even when we did. They were your true feelings?” Lance asked.

“I thought I could indulge, that you would end it because you found someone you’d want to be with. That I could at least feel like you were mine. Are you mine and i am yours? If you want to be that is,”

“I like that idea, I like that idea a lot,” Lance reached for Shiro’s prosthetic and curled it round his chest holding on to it like it was the last life line in an ocean that was life. Shiro smiled and let himself be rearranged by Lance. 

 

Lance felt Shiro get comfy as he arranged them to snuggle, one hand clasped in the other’s, facing each other with looks of giddy adoration and disbelief that this was real. This was more than he could have hoped for, probably more than Shiro had hoped for. 

“I’m sorry,” Lance whispered into the space between them.

“I’m sorry too, I never meant to hurt you, you mean too much too me. You always have,”

“We’re both idiots,” He smiled nuzzling closer to Shiro.

“But we are idiots who have each other. You feel anything that makes you even slightly uncomfortable please tell me. I don’t want that to happen again. I’ll do the same for you, I want you to be on equal standing with me, nothing more and nothing less that perfectly imperfect.”

Lance couldn’t help but kiss Shiro on the nose, making both of them giggle and for Lance to kick his legs like he used to in secondary school when he was over the moon. He found there were no emotions to truly describe how he felt. Extreme contentment and bliss did come close though. He made Shiro laugh more and drew him in close, just letting them be. Lance knew he had work to be getting on with but one night wouldn’t hurt. He was on top of his school work anyway and he deserved a night off. 

 

The first time they said I love you was over the simplest of things. It had been roughly a year after the whole fake date incident. Lance had woken up to an empty bed, the spot where Shiro had been had barely any warmth left. He dragged himself it, fighting the doubts that entered his mind, they normally got up together when they were over at each others places. He entered the kitchen to get coffee and was looking at a comically dismayed Shiro. 

“Right back to bed. Go . Shoo I'm banishing you.”

“Don’t I get a good morning kiss babe?”

“No. Bed. Now. You ruined the surprise.” Shiro's pout crossed his face, looking like a puppy. Lance couldn’t help but laugh

“Dios mio, I love you.”

“You mock me and declare your love in the same second. It’s a good thing I love you too Hun. NOW SHOO!!” Lance decided it wasn’t that bad of a declaration, it was very them. 

 

Their marriage went in the same way. It wasn’t formal or like Shiro’s cousins five years previous. It was just them saying their vows and basically spending time with family and friends plus endless teasing from their closest friends who decided, that no, they were The Honour Squad and throughout the reception and wedding itself who got to make the first speech. Unsurprisingly it was Pidge, who had the foresight to steal the microphone while everyone else was getting there because of her robots. Each of which would play embarrassing moments that Shiro and Lance had done. Usually together. It wasn’t flashy or over done it was just what they wanted. 

 

It only got worse, or better whenever Shiro or Lance were asked, when their kids came along. They had had ups and downs, too many to count but it was worth it. Though Pidge’s involvement usually meant hey were on the short end of multitudes of pranks. They made sure that their kids knew that they were loved and were wanted. Shiro decided that his job was getting too stressful and decided to become a stay at home dad, something he took great pride in. Lance was earning more than enough and Shiro had money left over from the accident that took his home and delayed his life. 

 

Their kids were now in secondary school, and Lance was gazing into Shiro’s eyes, the light never fading from them, even though there was more white than black in his hair. 

“I still love you even if you do hog the sheets every night.”

“So do I, Lance. Even when you snore too loud or starfish over the bed. Or get face goo on my pillow. Maybe a little more when I can make you blush like you did all those years ago in uni.” Shiro replied.

“You sap,”

“Just because you are too.” 

They both looked at each other and knew that they didn’t need anymore than what they had already. Anything else was a bonus, though, Lance thought, some cats and maybe a fog wouldn't be a miss. Maybe bring that up in the morning and get the kids on board. 

“Lance?” Shiro asked conspiratorially. 

“Mmmh?”

“I maaaay have adopted some cats” Shiro tried innocently. “They come home tomorrow…”

“God dammit Shiro!!!”

Shiro laughed and just hugged his husband. The pain at the start was definitely worth it for this.

**Author's Note:**

> Hooe you guys enjoyed this!!!! 
> 
> every kudo, comment and read means a lot!!!! 
> 
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> [Yell at me on tumblr :D ](http://thatshadowsandsilhouettes.tumblr.com)


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